Applelust.com: Out of Sync - Universal World News

Out of Sync

Universal World News, God Creates Universe, Fails to Impress

Universal World News: Hello, well, here we all are gathered on a disappointing Sunday after what has really been a week of great innovations, talking to God, who appears to be, well, let's talk to him now.

God: milling around on a silent stage

UWN: Hello, God. Well, it is Sunday. How do you explain this disappointment?

God: Err, disappointment? I am pretty happy with things, actually. I mean, have you seen the flowers lately? I like flowers, they are one of my favorite creations. They are pretty, and don't hurt anyone, and...

UWN: Yeah, whatever. Where is the new stuff?

God: New stuff? Well, some things take time. I run into some limitations. Like trees, for example. I like how trees turned out, but then I had to make giraffe necks longer. Maybe if I had just made trees shorter, I could have...

UWN: Uh huh, yeah, giraffe necks, DNA splicing, gotcha. But we had heard rumors about a more powerful giraffe, elephant sized, where are those?

God: Yes, well, I am not sure of how that one got started. Giraffes are working out quite well, actually, I can't complain. Fish, on the other hand, have been more of a challenge, what with global warming and all that. Still, I thought that the transparency has evolved nicely. The tropicals have some really beautiful coloring, have you seen...

UWN: We are talking about new things, God. The good stuff that we have come to expect. You know, like Light a few days back. That was great stuff. You got some more Light you are hiding somewhere?

God: Hiding? No, I am...

UWN: ...like a lighter Light?

God: No, if I had it, I would...

UWN: ...a flatter Light? ...a faster Light?

God: No...I...but...

UWN: A Light that can go through walls?

God: No!

UWN: I thought so. We thought so. You losing your touch?

God: I most certainly am not. Some things take more time than others, is all.

UWN: But this is Sunday, God.

God: And your point is...?

UWN: Another day, another innovation. You know the drill. We want Cool New Stuff!

God: sighing...Do you want stuff, I mean, creations, before I have worked the kinks out of them?

UWN: Of course not. We want cool, perfect, new stuff.

God: Well, then...smiling

UWN: Well, what? This is Sunday, where is the cool new stuff you promised us?

God: Promised you? I...what...when did I promise you? ...taking out his Palm... tap... tap... no, belay that, I most certainly did NOT promise you anything, I would have...

UWN: rolling his eyes...C'mon, get a grip, the rumors were all over it.

God: I did not start the rumors!

UWN: Irrelevant. You still should have at least some of the cool new stuff we were promised.

God: Do you want me to crank out some new half-baked junk like the Devil...just because it is...

UWN: ...you mean the Dellvil...

God: taking a deep breath...Do you want me to crank out some new half-baked junk like the Dellvil...just because it is Sunday?

UWN: No.

God: Do you want me to release something just because someone else started a rumor about it?

UWN: That would be silly.

God: And you don't want me to come out with something that isn't fully functional yet, right?

UWN: Of course not.

God: Then what do you want me to do?

UWN: We want you to show us...

God: ...please don't say it...

UWN: ...some cool new stuff!

God: burying his face in his hands in frustration

UWN: turning his back to God...Well, that about wraps it up for a disappointing Sunday. Let us hope that the Big Guy gets his act together by Monday. Over to you, Bill.

Charles Sorgie

Go to Charles' Out of Sync/Sync Different page here at Applelust.

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